Poor Jen, I called her last night and started complaining. About being alone at my races without my family, about how slow I'm feeling. She must've said something to ELF, because I was later instructed on Facebook to pull on the big girl panties and EAT MY VEGETABLES. And they're right. It's time to HTFU, realize that I signed up for these races ostensibly for a reason (like maybe because they'd be fun? or maybe I could set a new PRs?) Neither Jen nor ELF can do that for me, and neither can my family. And while it would be nice to have a familiar face meet me at mile 20 and say "Let's get you to the finish line sooner rather than later," I shouldn't rely on that. Just like in an IM, it should be ME that gets me to the finish line. That little voice in me in Placid was really annoying, telling me how much better I'd feel if I slowed down, how easier it was to walk than run. It almost had me convinced I didn't even need to finish, but I knew better on that score (Jen and my husband would've killed me!) I don't think I've tuned it out yet either.
I have a hard time with that voice. It is the voice of self-doubt. It can be very persuasive. It is the voice that says the hurt will stop when you do. It can easily wipe out months of hard work and progress with just a little whisper of "what if..." or "you don't need to do this..." or "ouch this hurts." I think this is where people who grow up athletic have it a little better in that they learned to tune out that voice back in high school or college. How do you reprogram that voice when you're just finding that athlete inside yourself at age 41? Ha, Jen, there's a question for your blog!
On the way to dinner I was doing some math. I was trying to remember my pace for the 2007 Monument Avenue 10k which I ran in just over 52 minutes, a 2 minute PR. I wasn't running that race with a specific time goal, but I was running with a friend. She had pulled away from me at the 3 mile mark, and I remember how I push push pushed to find her again and cross the line with her. Where was the voice then? Who knows. But I wanted one thing, and that was to not be beat to the line by much. My fitness has only improved since then, so I have no excuses but damn I still feel slow! Someday I want to run a sub 50 min 10k. Right now though, my 800m repeats that have me dying by the end are not far off that 8 1/2 min/mile pace from 2007. Is IM training really THAT damaging to your speed?!
While at dinner, Joey asked how much I'd pay him to eat his vegetables. I told him he better get used to being hungry, because I won't bribe him to eat. I guess I better figure out what I'm craving, and how badly I want it. No one is going to eat those veggies for me, and even if I have to choke them down, they're good for me.
8 comments:
I hear you, I'm only learning how to battle that voice in the past few years. But you're tough and a two-time Ironman, so if anyone can do it, it's you!!!
PS Did you pocket-dial me today? I got off the plane to a looooong voicemail message of someone going about their business while not knowing their phone was on.
Wow, Kate you are totally like me. There is that voice in my head so often that it is pretty annoying. But we ahve both hot rid of it before which means we can do it all the time. :)))
What a great post Kate! That little voice is quite a challenge. I totally believe that your hard work is going to pay off in these races.
YOu love it and you know it!!! Its funny because all of us go through that little voice which sometimes becomes a pain in the ass voice when it really hurts. Best way to deal with them is head on, tackle them in your workouts so that on race day you have the confidence and know you can do it. Plus I agree 2 IMs - you should have no problem!
I think that little voie is Glenn Madeiros singing to you.... ha ha, I know you love that song:)
"where would you rather be?" I ask myself that when i am racing and other than the voice saying "in bed, slacking." I know i am where i want to be. And so then i kinda figure "well lets see what i have, give it a shot" I may feel icky and i may feel great but I think the biggest thing that perhaps experienced athletes have is the ability to DISCONNECT the mind from the body. It is kinda like Jen said, Laser focus..or in my case i just kinda get this "my legs ( for run or ride) arent connected to my head." It certainly doesnt come easily but as you said just re-focus.
Ok blahblahblah....you are such a great cheer-er and spectathlete i am sad you will be solo but ya know, that means you can FOCUS ON YOU. And you can GET AFTER IT!!!
Look at it as training for Tucson camp. LOL. Race to get in shape for camp. Ok I have overstayed my weclome here. Love ya.
Oh my! THE VOICE in your head is me saying, "HTFU and you have enough fans and friends who will be rooting you from afar!" :)) hee hee.....the marathon will be a piece of cake...how badly you want to suffer is up to you! LOL. :)
I know you can do it! :) YES YES!
Great perspective! I've been dealing with that voice - especially during the run. It sounds like you are on your way to overcoming the self-doubts!
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